“Tyler Rice…. You’re buggin”

When you think of your life one year from now, its hard to say what will be happening, how you’ll be feeling, or just where you’ll be in life. It honestly seems so far away too! One year ago today I was laying in the same bed, with the same computer writing on this blog about the love of my life and the beautiful person she was. As I type this now I still have that same gut wrenching, sad feelings I had a year ago. I remember it sucking then just as much as it does now.

Last year when Myself, Kelly, and her father, Doug were all in Kels hospital room when the team of doctors came into the room and gave us the news that Kel wasn’t going to make it, Doug and I stepped outside the room and went to this small room that the hospital had for a quite place to go. We just sat there staring at the ground in disbelief of the news we had just received. Neither of us said anything, just both cried.

I mention this because as we both sat there crying, he started to tell me about what happen and the things he went through when his wife, Kelly’s mom, Jennifer passed away.

When he first started talking to me all he could say was how sorry he was for me…

“I’m so sorry Tyler, I know exactly what you’re feeling and what you’re going to be going through, i’m so so sorry. ”

When he was saying this all I could think of was how sorry I felt for what he must be going through. Hearing the news that his only child, and baby girl wasn’t going to make it! How can he be saying sorry to me?
After a few more sorry’s he told me some of the things that he had gone through when Jennifer passed. He told me that it was going to suck, and its going to hurt like hell!  The only thing that will get you through the pain is time. He just told it to me straight that life wasn’t going to be easy, but he did say things will get easier, the pain will start to hurt less, it will never go away, but it’ll hurt less. He also said that he remembered the day he felt everything inside finally release, the feeling like things were going to be okay, all the worry and heart ache finally loosened its grip and he could let her go. He said it was after the first year when things felt like they’d finally be okay.

Not too long after Kelly had passed, Doug had sent me something that couldn’t have been more perfect to everything he was telling me that day at the hospital and everything that I was feeling…

“I wish I could say you get used to people dying, but I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. 

Scars are a testament to life, scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. 

If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

Up until Kels passing, I hadn’t dealt with much death in my life. I’ve lost a Grandmother and a Grandfather but both were from old age and expected. They were very sad times in my life but, that was life to me. You live, you get old, you die… Sure you hear about people in accidents or who die from health problems but those kind of things wouldn’t happen to me, or someone close to me.

Even with Kelly going through the HELL she went though with her fight, at no point did I ever think she wouldn’t make it through, She was too strong, she was too young, it just wouldn’t happen. She did everything right, everything she was asked/told to do. No matter the odds it didn’t matter because she was going to get get through this.  When everything happened I remember being sad, but it didn’t seem real so in my mind in a weird way, I felt okay? It wasn’t until the first couple days after that things really started to hit me. Sadness beyond belief kicked in and I felt so alone, even with the amazing amounts of support around me.

For the first few months after her passing, I had a lot of hatred on top of my sadness. I would see a bum on the street all drugged out and would hate them!

“Why does a piece of shit person like that get to live when so many others are fighting so hard for their lives?”

It was a really weird place for me that I had never experienced before. With so much hate and sadness I was holding in, being at home was getting very tough! Everything around me reminded me of Kelly. Our house we had together, her car in the driveway, our friends, her clothes, music, you name it I couldn’t handle it! I decided I needed to leave for a while and just get away. I decided to go visit some friends in both Colorado and Utah for the winter and do some snowboarding. In April I was gone the entire month, I went on a camping/dirtbike trip, from there I went to Lake Powell and then from there went to Cancun for a week.

I was just down to go anywhere and everywhere because I just couldn’t be home. Everything, everywhere was Kelly! I just needed to be away from everything.

On top of being reminded of her everywhere I looked it was also watching Kel fight like she did the last year of her life. It was so heartbreaking and all i could think of was some of the convo her and I had during our hours of hospital visits. We would talk about how when she kicked Cancers ass how we weren’t going to let life pass us by. We were going to travel, we were going to do things we always wanted to do. If it was possible we were going to do it! Just knowing all what she wanted to do and see and never having the chance to is not something I want to have happen to me too. I don’t want to be on my death bed with regrets and thinking, “Man, I wish I would have done that.”

Kelly’s death has definitely giving me a whole new outlook on life and that is to live it!

Yes, we all have to work, we all have to pay bills, but my whole thought is, whats it all for if you’re not enjoying it?? Take opportunities as they come. Love the one around you that mean the most because no one know how long we have. If you’re not happy, fix it! Life is way too short to just go through the motions, there is way too much to see, to love, to do to not enjoy every second of what is out there.

A year ago today I lost my best friend, my soulmate, my one that I was suppose to grow old with. There isn’t a day that goes by where she’s not on my mind, whether its me reminiscing on the fun times we’ve had, or me just imagining what she would say to me for the dumb shit I am doing in that moment.

My scars are a testament to our love and the relationship that we had. My scar from you was deep, so was our love.

I love you so much, Punkin. I miss you everyday.

Kels Celebration. Its officially official!

It has been decided! We have a celebration location!

The celebration will be held on Saturday, January 16, 2016 at LJ’s Bistro & Bar in Lake Stevens @ 11am – 2:30pm. http://ljsbistroandbar.com  It will be a brunch buffet with a Belgian waffle bar, biscuits and gravy, eggs, bacon, salads, etc.. Non-alcoholic drinks will be included, cocktails will be available at your own cost. We are asking $10 per person if you decide to stay and eat. We will also have some slide shows going and will be sharing stories of the beautiful girl we knew and loved.

Ive decided to have the event here because Kelly really enjoyed this restaurant and I know Kel would approve. You can feel the “Kelly vibe” once you’re inside. She loved the atmosphere, the food, that it was close to home, and of course they have a pretty kick ass happy hour 😉

To help make this a celebration, that Kel would have loved even more special I do ask that everyone wear something colorful. Myself and some others will be getting a little fancier and dressing up. Anyone is welcome to join but not required.

For those that are traveling from out of town there are hotels in nearby towns but nothing in Lake Stevens. Marysville, and Everett would be the closest. Here are a few that are nearby.

Everett-

http://www.reservationcounter.com/hotelsv3/show/119770/holiday-inn-downtown-everett/?TID=OYPFJuem_dc%7Cpcrid%7C2327492704&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=Holiday%20Inn%20Downtown%20Everett&utm_campaign=Hotel%20Chain%20H&keyword=Holiday%20Inn%20Downtown%20Everett&hotelid=119770

http://www.reservationcounter.com/hotelsv3/show/197137/inn-at-port-gardner/?TID=KuH3timd_dc%7Cpcrid%7C1112968885&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=Inn%20At%20Port%20Gardner%20Everett&utm_campaign=Hotel%20Chain%20I&keyword=Inn%20At%20Port%20Gardner%20Everett&hotelid=197137

Marysville –

http://www.onetime.com/hotels?talid=58595&property=1572768&mcid=19528&taparam=EOTMSN_K127749204_A1210665878_NS&supmt=b&supai=2890769675

Although we are gathering for a horrible and heartbreaking reason, we’re also gathering to honor and celebrate a soul that meant so much to each of us. We will defiantly shed some tears but we will also have some laughs. So lets put on our own Kelly illuminating smiles and make this a celebration she would love!

If you have any questions or need any more info give me a call or text

-Tyler

Cell- 425-350-9596

Kelly’s Celebration Of Life

This last week I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for Kelly’s service and how to make it just as she would have wanted. All I’ve been able to think of is what she said to me when her and I had this horrible conversation about what kind of funeral she would want. She told me that she wanted to be cremated. When I asked if she wanted to have a viewing before she was cremated  she said “ Fuck that! I don’t want people to see me like this!” Which at the time was very funny because at this point in the conversation we’d both been bawling and barley able to get words out. She also said she wanted “a very pretty & colorful urn. Please Tyler, not gaudy! You better have Tiff help pick it out”.

Although we have not yet found the non gaudy, pretty, colorful urn, I’m sure once we see it we’ll know its the one.

Kelly also expressed to me that she didn’t want a “normal” funeral/service. She wanted us to have an uplifting celebration of life. She wanted a party in her honor.

I have come up with a few ideas that I believe Kel would have wanted but before I confirm on any particular one I need a rough headcount of who will be attending.

I plan on renting a room where we can have a slideshow of pictures. We’ll also have snacks, drinks and music while we tell stories of great memories we all have of Kel. Something mostly upbeat with a fun environment and of course some sad, but very minimal sad.

Everyone attending will be dressed in something colorful just like Kel would have wanted. We also plan on having webcams placed around the room to have a live feed going for all those who won’t be able to attend. The place in mind will also have hotel rooms for anyone who will need a place to stay as well as a shuttle that will go too and from the airport. I would like to have the celebration around the middle of January. This would give us time to set everything up and would allow those who will be traveling more time to plan and cause less stress during the holidays. I will give more details of when and where once I have a better idea of how many will be attending. Please Let me know if you plan on coming and with an amount in your party.

My Soulmate

I just want to start out by saying how truly amazing everyone has been during Kellys fight with this horrible disease. She loved the support and just knowing she wasn’t alone you could tell meant so much to her.

This last month Kelly was fighting graft vs.hoist disease (GVHD) that had shown up on her skin and in her gut. Having GVHD meant her body was fighting the new marrow. While she was on meds to help prevent GVHD it sometimes shows up in transplant patients.

Often with transplants the bodies immune system treats the new organ or marrow as an invader and will attack it. Steroids are used to help lower the immune system while the new transplant has time to take over and start working with the body.

Kelly had been fighting GVHD on her skin for a while and finally was brought to the hospital at the beginning of October and had to spent the entire month in the hospital. Once at the hospital she was given steroids for six days to try and lower her immunity to help with he GVHD. Nothing seemed to be working and Kelly was so tired of spending so much time in the hospital. All she wanted was to be home. Because the dose of steroids didn’t seem to make a difference they decided to slowly start increasing the dose of steroids until she was receiving double what she had been. After a few days of trying this nothing seemed to be treating her rashy skin or her insides. With the Doctors at a loss they decided the best option and really the only option was to give Kelly Anti-Thymocyte Globulin (ATG) which essentially would lower her immune system to the immunity of a newborn. After receiving the ATG we noticed that Kellys rash that covered her entire body and was causing her so much pain and discomfort started slowly getting better. Now because of the ATG making her immunity so lower it increased her time of having to stay in Seattle and away from home, probably through Christmas. Although Kel hated the thought of not being home for Thanksgiving and Christmas she did everything she had too with very little complaints. She would always tell me and her dad “its just another bump in the road. we’ll get through it”. She was always so positive and never gave up.

After being in the hospital for nearly 30 days she was finally well enough to be released and able to be back at the apartment. She was so excited to finally be out of that hospital room! That night Me, Kel, and her Dad went back to the apartment and had chicken and rice. I just remember how happy she was to be home eating something other than hospital food and being with us. It was so great to see how happy she was even though she was still in so much pain.

Because of being in the hospital for nearly a month and being on a constant IV drip of fluids to keep her hydrated. She gained about 30 lbs in water weight which was mostly noticeable in her legs and feet. She had a hard time peeing enough to allow the fluid to get out of her body so she was put on a medication that helped make her pee. Within 10 days she had lost 29 lbs in water weight!! She was down to 93lbs!

At this point she had been out of the hospital for 10 days and her skin rash started coming back and her insides never seemed to get much better. They decided that Kelly should be admitted back in the hospital to keep a close eye on her GVHD while it healed. During this time her Skin finally stated showing signs of healing. Although she seemed to be getting better on the outside the GVHD in her gut just didn’t seem to heal like they wanted. The plan to try and help heal the gut was to run her blood out through a tube into a UV light and then cycle it back into her body. Doing this would help kill the bad cells in her blood. In the morning on Tuesday November, 10th Kellys doctors came by to have her sign a consent form allowing them to move forward with this blood treatment. After signing the form and talking to the docs, Kellys heart rate started increasing rapidly and got up to 193bpm. An average heart rate while laying down and sleeping is around 60-70bpm. Kelly was always running a higher heart rate usually around 100-110bmp. Because of the heart beating so fast the Doctor called a Code Blue and immediately rushed her up to the ICU! Once there they got her heart rate down she seemed pretty stable. Because they put her on morphine she was in and out of sleep but seemed okay. After being in the ICU for a short time her blood pressure started to drop rapidly. The Nurses started giving her bags and bags of fluid through her IV to help hydrate her. Once she was stable and resting the Doctors talked to Myself and her Dad and told us that the reason her heart rate was so high and blood pressure was so low was because she was very dehydrated which brought her blood pressure down and made her heart work overtime to keep up. Giving all the fluids so quickly got her stable and seemed to fix the issue. After a few hours of being by her side and talking with her, a group of doctors all came into the room to explain what had happened and where to go from there.

They explained to us that Kelly had a virus inside her called the Adenovirus that she had tested positive for earlier since she was last admitted. The virus was increasingly getting worst and was inside her blood and liver. It was attacking her liver and they didn’t have a way to stop it. Although they had been giving her antibiotics to help control it, she had no immune system to help fight the virus off. The only way to get her immune system back up strong enough to fight  off the virus was to stop giving her steroids, but she couldn’t be taken off the steroids because without them the GVHD would take over and would end her life. With such a low immune system, receiving antibiotics only slows the virus down but has nothing to attack it.

The Doctors pretty much told us although they would continue to do everything they could to help Kelly they were unable to save her because she had no immune system to kill offf virus. Her liver tests showed that within a few days she would go into liver failure and from that point they could do nothing. The doctors gave her a very slim chance of survival and only a couple days before she would be confused and then eventually would go into a coma and pass away.
I’ll never forget the feeling that I had once hearing that news. It was like a knot in my stomach that had a hold of everything inside and would not stop tightening. Just an over whelming feeling of sadness and helplessness. All I could do was hold Kellys hand and hug her. I never wanted to let go. I keep holding her like it would somehow make her pain go away and she would never leave.

Even after hearing this news and seeing me and her Dad just crying and holding her she was still so positive. Telling us “it’ll be okay” and “ Im not giving up, i’ll prove those doctors wrong”. Just hearing how positive she was and seeing her with so much confidence it made me feel so much better about everything that I was just told. She was such a fighter and so amazing that even after hearing that news she picked up her phone and started changing her fantasy football line up. “Shit, I need a kicker. Mines on a bye”. Just seeing her confidents was such an amazing thing. Never down and never any doubt. “I got this” she would alway remind us.

Doug and I decided that we better let people know of her condition and let her friends and family get a chance to spend some time with her. It was such an amazing thing to see how many people came running at the chance to see Kelly and be with her again. All of her closest friends and family came to be with her at the drop of a hat. Some flew in from Utah, others from Colorado. Some drove hours dealing with the Seattle traffic to just be with her. It was so wonderful to see and it just brought so much life out of Kelly. Although we defiantly had lots of tears it wasn’t all sad. We got to laugh and joke and just be together like she wanted. It made her feel so loved to know that she has the biggest group of supporters that lover her so so much!

The next couple days were very tough but Kelly didn’t give up. She fought until the very end.

With the Adenovirus continuing to worsen and her liver started to fail and now her kidneys were showing signs of decline. On Saturday, 14th in the evening her kidneys started to fail and were not working like they should. Because they were not working the potassium in her blood started to increase. The only way to help the kidneys at this point would have been to put her on a dialyses machine. Kelly was barely there but we asked her what she wanted. She told us “I’m ready to go”. from that point we took her off of the machines and just gave her pain meds to make her comfortable. At 12:55am Sunday, November 15th, 2015 Kelly passed away in her sleep.

Kelly was so amazing and the best thing to have happen to me. I think we have her wonderful Father to thank for what a beautiful women Kelly became. Kelly and her dad were such an amazing duo. Together they were so much fun to be around even when Kel wasn’t feeling her best. She loves her dad so so much. I know he meant the world to her.

Thank you Doug for trusting me with your little angle and letting me be apart of what you and Kel had. My heart goes out to you and the pain you must be feeling.

To have to say goodbye to the Love of your life and Best friend is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She was such a beautiful person with the most amazing heart. She was a wife, a daughter and an amazing friend. She was always caring about everyone around her even at her worst. She was never selfish and would suffer to make someone else feel better. I feel so blessed and lucky to have the women of my dreams be my best friend and me wife. I will love you alway and forever my love. I know you’ll be watching over me making sure I don’t mess up too bad.

– I love you

Kelly Benson Rice

February, 27th 1988 – November, 15th 2015

The 30 days after Transplant

Oh my god. I would say the past 20 some days after transplant have been a breeze, minus the few hiccups that I have had. But once you get into the 30 some days after transplant, that is when shit starts to get real. I have considered myself pretty lucky considering everything I have had to go through so far, which I still do. But once you actually start having things happen to you in result to the chemo, radiation, and transplant, it really starts to wear on you. I am pretty much in the “hot zone” to get any sort of Graft Vs Host Disease, which I have talked about before, and basically what it is, is when the donors cells don’t agree with your cells. In a way, I feel you want some sort of this to happen, that way you know something is at least happening in your body, and you can hopefully fix it with the million different meds they have for everything! So currently, what I have going on for my GVHD is a very, very itchy skin rash that is all over. I. Can’t. Stop. Scratching!!!! I have a cream they gave me to put on three times a day, but of course it’s not some miracle worker. It helps a little bit, but I just want it to go away! Haha. I also have developed another kind of GVHD that is attached to my GI Tract. So it’s effecting my upper and lower gut, which essentially just feels like really bad cramps and you can’t stay out of the bathroom. It’s a pretty shitty situation. (No pun intended) 😜  I would say this part is the worst. Just always feeling like you have a stomach ache. I have always had a weak stomach so this feels like a bad nightmare for me. So I am just trying to stay on top of my anti nausea meds to try and get some traction on this thing. They have started me on Prednisone that will help treat my GVHD, I haven’t noticed much help with it yet, but since this is a type of steroid, it should help me gain more weight, still haven’t hit triple digits. Yikes! But we are working on it. I still pretty much have an appetite, I just have to be careful of what I am eating so it doesn’t upset anything in my GI Tract. So I’ve been sticking to pretty bland food for now, and it seems to help a little, just trying to stay consistent. I just can’t wait until I can get ahead of this cause this has been by far the hardest part of this whole thing so far. I am still trying to stay positive, cause I know it’ll go away, I just do a lot of bitching in between cause it’s so so so uncomfortable! So I’m sure my dad and Tyler really appreciate it. My face also has been so dry and itchy, so I am trying to go through any sorts of lotions and scrubs I can to get that back to normal cause there is nothing worse than a dry face! It’s driving me crazy! My eyebrows are starting to come out because I keep scratching at them, ugh just the thing I didn’t want. I don’t want to be smooth! Haha but my hair is growing back, slowly but surely. Right now, it’s actually like a light brownish red color. Should be interesting to see what color it decides to come back to. #brunetteforlife.

Aside from those few things I have going on, things have been pretty good. My dad and I try to go on walks when I can, or go visit up to the rooftop that they have provided for us at our building. There is nothing better than fresh air! So that’s always nice when I get up and move around at a decent pace. It’s great because I only go to the clinic every Tuesday and Friday. So the rest of the time, we really have to ourselves. But I’m still on a lot of restrictions so that makes it tough. I just want to go home for a weekend and see my house, and my sweet puppy! Ugh I miss him so much. But maybe we can do that once I get rid of the GVHD and go from there. Oh! Also, I had a bone marrow biopsy a couple weeks ago, and I will get these done every 28 days until I am free to leave this place, but the first one came back awesome! There is no sign of any leukemia anywhere in my body, they do a few tests to measure and even the DNA test came back negative. So we just need the next 3 more bone marrow biopsies to go the same, and that would just be amazing!!! Just need to keep taking my meds and hope to god nothing else goes wrong.

Anyway, guess that is all that has happened so far, just scratching my damn skin off my bones and trying to stay sane. It’s been so great having my dad up here though. We go through our times of bickering, but he really is the best caregiver. He has everything so damn organized and it really makes things so much easier on all of us. I couldn’t be more grateful for that. So thank you so much, Daddy! It’s your birthday today, I wish we could go do something to celebrate but maybe just a nice walk or something. Or go play at the Tesla store again 😜 We will figure something out.

Anyway, thanks again for all the continued support. Hopefully soon I can start to feel normal and back to my regular self. I appreciate all the little gifts I have been sent, and kind words, it always helps make the time go by a little easier and bring a smile to my face. I only have about 2 more months of this crap, so I’m just trying to power through. If everything goes well, the docs goal for me to go home is by Thanksgiving. So fingers crossed!!!

I love and miss all my friends so much! Can’t wait until we can see each other again and get life back to normal! Soon enough, soon enough. until then, I’ll be scratching away and hoping this stuff goes away!

Much love!

To make a long story… long.

So I am just going to start out by saying that I am sorry I haven’t been keeping my blog as up to date as much as I would love to. The past few weeks have really been an emotional rollercoaster. I know Tyler has put some updates up on Facebook to keep everyone in the loop, which has helped a lot. But the overall experience the past month I would say have been crazy!

So first, of course we move in to our new Seattle apartment. It’s nothing fancy, it actually was a cancellation so we could get in quicker, so it wasn’t what I originally put down for us to have. You walk in, and it was literally nothing but counter space and cabinets. Kind of weird… There was one queen bed, a twin bed in a tiny nook right by the door, and one bathroom. The layout wasn’t ideal for Tyler, my Dad and myself but we knew we wouldn’t be there for too long as we were on the waiting list for a two bedroom, two bath apartment. The first place we were at kind of sucked because everything very communal, you had to go down to share the kitchen, and the laundry room. Which normally wouldn’t be too much of an issue, but when you’re someone like me who has a very suppressed immune system, you shouldn’t be sharing anything! They had it all very professionally done though, and directions everywhere on how sanitize and keep things sterile. So we only ate downstairs about twice. haha. About a week later, we finally got a call in the middle of the day saying our other apartment was ready for us to move in and we had to be there by 4:30. She called to let us know this around 1. So of course I told her we would be ready, and it was just my Dad and I at the time and so we had to hurry and pack some stuff up and bring it over, and then Tyler left work and came down to come help move the rest of our stuff over. The new place is very outdated, but it’s nice because it at least gives us a little more space. We also get our own full kitchen, washer and dryer, and living room. It’s definitely nothing fancy, but it’s perfect for what we need it for. Tyler stays with us during the weekend, and goes home to work during the week, so the rest of the time, it’s just me and the Daddio that hang out. One of the Thursdays, we decided to be very spontaneous and I wanted to cut all my hair off to something that I would NEVER do otherwise. We finally found this place called Bishop’s, and it was kind of hipster type place, so I thought it would be perfect. When the lady first saw me, she told me she thought in her head (after we started talking) “like oh great, just another traditional haircut and no color…” But I had her fooled. I decided to get myself a fun, wild pixie cut! I figured my hair was going to fall out at some point, even though I really didn’t want it to but why not have fun with it while you can?! I actually really ended up LOVING it!!! And even better, it shouldn’t take too long for my hair to grow back to that length! So, I at least have that to look forward to.

So where to next? In between going to the clinic almost everyday for lab work and just seeing how the new bone marrow is grafting, I started having really bad leg pains at night, like really, really bad. Anyone remember having growing pains in your legs as a kid? It felt like that only seriously times 9379! It was such a nightmare, every single night, all I could do was cry. My feet would get SO hot to the touch, that you literally could barely touch them. Every single night, my dad would be my hero and would do all he could to try to make me comfortable. I would spike a fever over 100 because my body would just be on fire. My dad would get ice water and would wrap my feet in ice towels, and within 3 minutes they would be warm already – that’s how crazy it was! It was just the worst aching pain I had ever experienced, this was by far the worst thing I have gone through since the beginning of this process. We found out it was because of one of the meds I was on, Tacrolimus. It’s a med that helps prevent Graft Vs Host disease and help absorb the new cells into your body. So kind of an important pill to be on. For a while, we weren’t sure as if this was the reason why I was feeling that way with my legs or not, but this med effects everyone differently. You get your dose adjusted weekly, so you fall in the right parameters they want you in and all that. So while going through all that, I started to get really bad abdominal pain again, almost like I did when I first discovered what a monster my spleen was. I was having trouble urinating, passing gas, you name it. (sorry if that’s TMI – just saying.) So we did a CT scan to see if it was anything else that it could be, and of COURSE something had to pop up, why wouldn’t it? There was an artery that looked pinched and they were worried that there was a blood clot forming. So naturally they had to send me to my favorite place in the world – the hospital! Yay! After doing another handful of tests, turns out I didn’t have a clot, and it was just a blood vessel that had been there for a while and all my other arteries were taking over for it and pumping the blood that it was needing to. I know you could never be too careful with these things, but I knew it wasn’t a clot cause I know I would have been in a hell of a lot more pain! During this time in the hospital was one of the worst, because of the leg pain, none of the good pain meds were helping, I couldn’t sleep, NOTHING was helping – I was just an absolute mess! It was by far an all time low for me. I felt bad for my dad cause he was doing all he could, but at that point, there isn’t anything to do. So a couple of days go by, they find nothing wrong with me, other than the leg pain which they are believed to be caused by the Tacrolimus and the blood vessel that has been there for a while, and finally are going to release us to go home! Oh man! I couldn’t be more excited at this point, anything is better than being stuck in the hospital. So we have all our bags on the bed and are waiting for our discharge papers. You can’t possibly think something goes wrong at that very moment do you?! If you guessed so, you would be correct! I started getting a weird tickle in my throat, one that I haven’t felt before. My ears started feel thick and full and I could barely talk, it all happened so quickly. I was totally fine 45 seconds before hand! It made no sense. So apparently that is called Mucositis, and it’s something you get as a reaction to chemo and it is probably the most disgusting thing I have ever dealt with. It’s basically just a bunch of mucus crap that builds in around your mouth and under your tongue. I’ve been swishing with solution since I started chemo to prevent it from happening, but you can’t always win. So of course, the doctors wanted to keep me over night again just to watch it and to make sure nothing else crazy happens! By the next morning, my mouth wasn’t much better but you could see it was starting to improve a little bit, so they finally sent us home. This was on a Sunday afternoon. Yay!! So after we go home, I noticed that being at the hospital my hair was thinning like crazy, so I just told Tyler to shave it off! So that is also something we did this night. It felt so weird, but needed to be done. It’s just hair! It’ll grow back! The low maintenence is awesome!

So after Tyler left, I just went to bed early cause again my legs were just killing me and I couldn’t even handle it anymore. There wasn’t enough pain meds that would help take anything away. It was just down right miserable! So again, we did the ice water thing and I just had to have my dad rub my legs like I was  a kid again because at least it was something and helped a little bit. I finally fell asleep and in the middle of the night I had to get up to use the restroom, so I got up on Tyler’s side of the bed, which I never do, and I just collapsed to the floor. Thank goodness I made a loud enough noise, cause my dad came running in my room, and I just had this blank stare looking up at him, and told him he would have to help me use the restroom. Before he sat me on the side of the bed I guess I did a crazy thing with my leg that I could never do again even if I tried, and that is the last thing that I remember happening. My dad said when I was on the bed, I just started seizing uncontrollablly, my eyes rolled back into my bed and I stopped breathing. So once my dad was able to pry open my mouth with a rag and gave me mouth to mouth, once I let out a gasp of air, that’s when my dad grabbed his phone and called 911. When I went down the first time, I bit down on my tongue so hard that it was so swollen and just had a dark purple line right across it. So thats why my dad had such a hard time opening my mouth up. The EMT’s showed up really quickly – they were there within 3 minutes. Apparently I was talking to them about things, and they were asking me questions but I didn’t know much of the questions they were asking. The only thing I remember is waking up in the hospital later that morning, and seeing my Dad, Husband, and In-Laws. I still didn’t really have too much of an idea of what happened, just knew that what I just went through was pretty serious.

I went for an MRI, a CT scan, then they wanted to check my heart so got an EKG done, then just waited for results and for my room to open up. Once we got up to our room and I was starting to come to it, they told me I had a seizure and that was probably related to the Tacrolimus pill that I have been saying I love so much! But of course they need to rule everything out. I saw a lot of the same doctors I saw the weekend before, because of when I was there for the blood vessel thing, so they were just shocked to see me back that soon and with something that serious! I just kept telling them I need to quit over acheiving because it’s becoming too much for me, and especailly if I’m not going to be getting a T-shirt or anything! The next morning, they did an EEG on my head, to make sure I didn’t hit it when I went down, those results came back clear. They did a Lumbar Puncture (spinal tap) that came back clear of cancer – yay! and then after a couple more nights of just observation incase anything else crazy happens, then I could be released on Thursday! Wa-Freaking-Hoo!!!

So since I have been home, I am off the awful Tacrolimus, and started it’s cousin pill Sirolimus, with just about the same side effects but my legs and everything else has felt so much better since I have made the change. My labs have been looking better than ever for how quickly I am already grafting (accepting new cells). Everything is starting to climb and my numbers are actually holding! I am on day 22 post Bone Marrow Transplant and all my nurses and doctors are very impressed with how well I am doing (aside from the few freak show events I have) I only am going to the clinic on Tuesday’s and Friday’s now, unless they need me to come in for something else. Next week, I will have a Bone Marrow Biopsy to see if there is any sign of my disease still lingering around. I do have a form of Graft V Host disease to where the cells are not agreeing with my skin, so I am just really itchy right now, but they have me a cream to help with it, and itchy medicince. If it doesn’t go away in a few more days, I will probably have to start on a steroid. But as far as things go, things are starting to look pretty good for me! I have a hard time in the mornings, getting around and feeling sick. But once I am up and around I do okay, and I am having so much trouble falling alseep, so we are trying everything we can and working with the docs to see what we do.

Anyway, I think that is really all that is up to date as of now! I wanted to leave this with a shoutout to some amazing, amazing people I have in my life. My Husband, I don’t even know how he is as strong as he is. He is my rock, when he isn’t around I am not the same. I don’t know how to function sometimes when he isn’t around, he has been so incredible and I admire him like hell. Our first year of marriage has been something that no couple should have to go through and it has only made us stronger as a couple. There is nothing that we can’t get through! When he went home the night we shaved my head, he went home, and shaved his head too, and posted it on Facebook. I had NO idea he was doing this!

Tyler Rice with Kelly Rice

August 30 at 5:25pm ·

Well, we had to cut it off! No hair and she is still gorgeous!

Tyler Rice with Kelly Rice

August 30 at 9:51pm · Edited ·

Anybody can dump ice water on their head. I challenge anyone (you too ladies) to shave their heads for cancer!
I’m doing this for my amazing, strong, and most beautiful wife, Kelly Rice
‪#‎fuckcancer‬ ‪#‎mrandmrsclean‬ ‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

THE TREND CONTINUED!!!

Bill Rice added a new photo.

August 31 at 8:41pm · iOS · Edited ·

Continued the trend for you Kelly we love and think about you every day ‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

Greg Hendrickson

August 31 at 4:51pm ·

Cheers Tyler and Kelly, ‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬! You pull of bald way better then me Kel!!! Love you!

Dustin Bodemann

August 31 at 6:34pm · Lake Stevens, WA ·

This is for you Kelly Rice! Keep the fight on, and keep on smiling. You’re inspiration to everyone! ‪#‎IsupportKellyRice‬

Brett Moretti with Kelly Rice

August 31 at 9:11pm · Lake Stevens, WA ·

Nothing but love and support for my girl. You’ll never be alone in this fight! ‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

Mary Guarino

September 1 at 6:56pm ·

Shaved that red head for you Kelly! You are so strong and beautiful as always! Ayden loves you!! 💚‪#‎worldsbeststepmom‬‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

Britney Klekas with Kelly Rice

September 3 at 6:24pm ·

This is nothing compared to what my best friend has had to go threw and had to give up! But mamma bear and I love you so much.
‪#‎noonefightsalone‬
‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

Zandalee Snead with Kelly Rice

September 4 at 9:15pm · Instagram ·

This one’s for the my girl. You’re battling the biggest fight of your life, just know that you have all the support in the world. I love you beyond words, you’ll never be alone. ‪#‎fuckcancer‬‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

Yort Rice with Kelly Rice

September 5 at 7:26pm ·

Trying a new look ‪#‎isupportkellyrice‬

I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing my friends are and what they have done for me, I am continued to be left speechless! – I am without speech! I love you all, so so much! The Fuck Cancer shirts have been requested again back by popular demand, so if you would like one, let Tyler know, and we shall hook you up! $25/shirt.

Also, this is our link for our fundraiser we have been doing. Anything helps!

http://gfwd.at/1FWxBjb

Thank you all so much for all our continued love and support during this time!

That John Denver was right, the Rockies are Rocky!

Kelly has definitely had a busy week and its just the beginning of a long road ahead.

Also, to clarify so you don’t think Kelly has gone crazy and has started referring to herself in the 3rd person, this is Tyler. Kelly is going through so much I wanted to help where I could and keep everyone in the loop.

Since her splenectomy she has been feeling and acting like a person again. She has been able to eat, lay down flat, curl up on her side, even bend over… kinda. Life has been much better. Two weeks after the surgery we had an appointment to meet with the surgeon and get her 28 staples taken out, which sounds a lot scarier than it is. They use a special tool that looks like a funky pair of scissors to grab each staple. When they close down on the handle the staple pops right out. As an audience member it was very fascinating and pretty cool to watch, I’m sure Kelly has different feelings about the whole process. After a few “ouches” and “fucks” the staples were out and according to the doctor, “healing very nicely”. The surgeon did also mention that Kelly was his smallest patient and she had the biggest spleen he had ever operated on. He said that her spleen was around 7lbs! Kelly has always been an over achiever. After hearing that we did a google search and found that an average spleen is about the size of a fist and weights about a quarter of a pound.

Now that her 7lb baby was out and her staples removed it was time for Kel to start gaining some weight. On Friday, July 31st, two days after her staples had been removed we had an appointment at the Settle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) to get some blood work done and see how all her levels were doing. We met with our nurse to go over the results. Everything was looking awesome! Then they told us that we would need to be in on Monday morning to start the second wave of testing that has to be done before the transplant. Well shit! so much for getting a break and time to fatten up. The reason we had to get a move on was because the donor wasn’t able to wait any longer so I guess its go time. The week ahead looked to be a busy one with test after test. On Monday she had to get a MUGA scan, a lung test, chest x-ray, and to top it off a blood transfusion.

Tuesday she had to get a Lumbar Puncture. If you’re not familiar with that, its where they put a needle in your spinal cord and drain out the fluid for testing.

Wednesday she had to get another Bone Marrow biopsy. She was awake for this and again they had to stick a needle through her back into her hip bone to get the marrow from inside her bone. They do numb the area but its still very painful.

Thursday was a rest day. Yay!

Friday was a meeting with her doctor to go over all the test results and make sure she’s ready for the next step in the whole process which is to get her Hickman Line put in. The Hickman Line is the tube that will be in her chest for the next 100 days. This is the line that they can draw blood from, and give blood/fluids in. This line will be what they use to give the chemo as well as the new bone marrow.

On Monday the 10th Kelly will be getting the Hickman line in and from there is when things really start to happen. She will be starting her Chemotherapy on Wednesday the 12th. She will receive that for 5 days. After the last day of chemo they will wait 36 hours and then at that time they will start with the transplant. If everything goes to plan then the transplant should start on the 18th of August.

Since I have hijacked Kels blog I would also like to brag about my amazing wife. With everything that she has gone through and everything that is still to come it just blows my mind how one person can take punch after punch, get knocked down, and just get right back up and keep on truckin’. She truly is a rockstar, but even more she is an inspiration. No matter what life throws at her or how hard things get, Kelly takes it head on. Kelly, you are such a strong, beautiful woman. I could only hope to one day have half the courage that you do. I love you so much. One day at a time, together we will get through this and anything life throws our way.

Week one at the SCCA

Holy. Shit.

That’s probably the best way I could sum up how this week has been. As most of you know, I started my testing stages down at the cancer alliance. From day one, Tyler and I only brought the clothes on our back, cell phones, and you know, the essentials.  After we got thru the chaos of people, we finally figured out where we are suppose to be and headed up to the 6th floor. This is where most of the blood and marrow things are done, so if my schedule doesn’t specify a floor, it’s floor 6. (Learned that quickly!) So anyway, we go and meet with my nurse who is on schedule to be with me the whole time I am at the SCCA. Super sweet lady named Denise. (I know, you all were really curious.) Denise start’s handing us paper after paper after paper, gives us a huge notebook, and a 3″ binder that has a lot of info. So ummm where am I suppose to put all this? Thankfully they had a huge bag to put it in. I am assigned my own nurse, doctor, doctor’s assistant, scheduler, nutritionist, social worker, you name it, and I have one. It’s pretty neat. And let me tell you, they sure know their stuff down there. I had to go downstairs for a blood test, needed a transfusion, and boom, a couple hours later I was getting one done. And I didn’t have to sit in a dreadful chair. They had a nice temper-pedic bed and our own separate rooms with TV for their patients. So after a few episodes of Seinfeld, It was time to leave!

Day two was our busiest day. We knew kind of what the days were going to look like, so this time we packed a bag full of snacks and things to keep us entertained, cause who really talks to each other anymore anyway? 😜 We had a full day ahead of us, meeting with the social worker, going to the dentist, having a conference with my doctor and going over all the details of my transplant, getting another blood transfusion, aaand I think that was it. The conference was pretty intense, but we had my dad on speaker phone and brought Tyler’s parents down with us, that way everyone could hear what we were hearing from the doctor and we didn’t have to try and repeat it all. I love how doctors use all the big fancy words to discriibe things, like we are suppose to understand what they are talking about. We would just look at him with a blank stare and have to tell him to explain to us like we are 5 year olds. Long story short, basically what is going to happen is, I will go through 5 days of chemo, (doc says I will lose my hair 😦 ) And then after a day of rest, I will go in for the transplant, but it’s just in the infusion center so it’s basically just like getting a blood transfusion. It all comes in a bag and I just wait a few hours until it’s done. I was under the impression that I would be in the hospital for a couple weeks afterwards for observation but apparently I can just go home after. They try to do everything out-patient as much as they can so you aren’t in the hospital. So we just need to keep smart and keep up with the hand washing and staying sterile.

Now that I said all of that, my doctor has been concerned about my spleen. They did a little bit more research and decided I needed to go see this spleen specialist at another hospital. So the next day, we go see him and have all my other appointments cancelled for the day. While meeting with the specialist, we learned what transplant would be like with and without my spleen. Basically right now my spleen is eating up all the good cells I have, so going through transplant with this disease filled oragn, the transplant would still work, but the spleen would slowly start to take all my new stem cells and kind of defeat the purpose. By removing the spleen, there is a better success for the transplant and we wouldn’t have to worry about this thing trying to take over everything. So after going over everything, I am getting my spleen removed on Wednesday. They don’t mess around when things need to get done. With getting my spleen removed, this puts everything else on hold for about a month. I will be in the hospital for a few days after the surgery to recover, and then can spend the rest of the 4-5 weeks recovering at home. Once things are recovered, I will continue down at the SCCA for my second week of testing, and then if everything else goes well, transplant will probably be around Mid August now. Crazy how fast things can change. I am a little nervous for the surgery, I have never had a major surgery done like this. But the doctor is one of the best in the country when it comes to spleens, and he has a 100% track record. So I know I am in good hands. It’s just a little nerve wrecking. To answer some questions.. Yes, you can live without your spleen. There are just a few bacterial viruses to be careful of. If one doesn’t have a spleen and gets these viruses, it’s just a more serious scenario. But they said I will be vaccinated for them every 5 years.

That pretty much sums up my first week on the road to recovery. Thank you all for your continued support!

Much Love!

It’s go time!

Well, my world got rocked a couple days ago when I received a phone call. It was the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance! They were calling to schedule my arrivial date. I was a little shocked when she told me that’s what she was calling for. This has always just been something that we knew was coming but always seemed like it may never happen. But, it’s actually happening. July 7th will be the start of a long road to getting my life back to normal.

The first two weeks will be the busiest. The first day, we meet the team that will basically be with me the whole time, get a tour of the place, and start some testing. During the first two weeks between appointments, I will be doing a series of testing to make sure everything else in my body is working properly. The second day, we will be going over all the transplant plans and schedules, and making sure everyone is on the same page with how things are going to work. The third day, I will have another bone marrow biopsy so they have the most up to current tests and know what they are working with. If everything goes well and there are no issues, I will start a 5 day chemo on July 25th and then my transplant would happen on July 31st! Of course, these dates can vary pending on results and how things happen… but regardless, it’s happening! By the time I start chemo is when we need to be living down in Seattle. We have to be within 30 minutes of the facility, and currently we are right on the cusp and about 45 minutes away. We have to live down there because after transplant, I will need to be monitored for a minimum of 100 days, and that’s if everything goes well and I don’t catch any infections. So best case scenario, we will be in Seattle the end of July thru October. I hope I’ll be home no later than Thanksgiving. So fingers crossed!

I can’t say I’m not scared, cause I am absolutely terrified. But I am also excited that we finally have a light at the end of the tunnel and know when to expect things to happen. It’s going to be a rough 3-4 months, but I got this. I have to! I have too much to live for and I can’t wait to see what life will be like after I fight like hell to get this shit disease out of me!

Anyway, this 4th of July has to be the best! Cause 3 days later… It’s go time! Let’s. Do. This!

I also wanted to give a husband brag. Sorry about it. Tyler has been nothing less than amazing! I really don’t know what to say. So that’s that. Kidding, but he goes to work every day for 8-10 hours, will stop anywhere that we need, go grocery shopping, pick up food, run around to multiple places if needed. Who wants to do that after work? I know I sure hated it and would complain. But he doesn’t. (at least to me 😉 ) Then he will come home and work in the yard, or try to pick up the house, or not leave me alone about if I need anything. He has been my rock since we found out about this stupid disease that I have, and I couldn’t thank him more for that. Nothing like living our 1st year of marriage like this, but hey this is what makes us stronger and we will continue to do this for years to come! Love you, Punkin.

My friends, father and in-laws, have been so great as well. Always checking in and making sure I am okay and I know they would do anything for me if I asked, but I am too damn stubborn. 🙂 It’s really great to have such a huge support system. I have no doubt I won’t get thru this because of all the love that I have around me. I couldn’t thank you all enough for that. It really does a lot for someone. So, thank you. Thank you so much!

Newest Update

Since being home from the hospital on May 9th, things have been like a tiny roller coaster. The last day at the hospital, I felt great, or at least I thought I did. I was up roaming the halls anxiously, talking to all the nurses, and we found a bench that had sun on it, so we sat there for a while. I reminded myself of a pet that you take to the vet because you think they are sick and once they get in there, they act as happy as can be and that nothing is wrong. That is exactly how I felt on that Saturday. They finally released us at 3:00pm and we couldn’t be happier! The sun was out, I got to finally see my sweet puppy Winston, what else could I ask for?! But right when we got home, it was just an overwhelming feeling and I didn’t know what to do. I instantly felt nauseased and took a minute to find the energy to get cleaned up. We had some friends bring us over dinner, which was awesome, but I just couldn’t hang. I went to bed after a couple hours.

The next few weeks were filled with nothing but appointment after appointment after appointment! At one of my appointments with my Oncologist, we discussed that yet again, I was running low and I needed another blood transfusion and we also discussed that the people who are on my case down at The Seattle Cancer Care Alliance were worried that my type of Leukemia could be turning into an acute Leukemia, which means it is starting to progress faster, and we need to jump on the chemo train and get ahead of this thing. They were worried because finding a donor can take a while, I may not be strong enough to receive the transplant by the time it came around. If this was the case, I would have to receive chemo in-patient and be in the hospital for 3-4 weeks straight to make sure I don’t catch an infection or nothing else goes wrong. Of course, this is the last route that I wanted to go, but we had to find out.

So I had a busy week ahead of me. My chest was still bothering me a little so we set up an appointment to get out more fluid from my left side of my lung. When they did the ultra sound, all the fluid looked like it was a batch of grapes. Just in little pockets, and it would probably do more harm to poke at all of those than not. So he got out the most he could, which was only about an ounce. Anything is better than nothing, but I am breathing just fine, I just still have this nasty cough. The next day, I had my lovely blood transfusion that lasted about 6.5 hours. It wasn’t as bad this time though, I met some really nice people who were actually going through just about the same thing I was, so it was nice to talk to them and get some insight. The next day, I had my bone marrow biopsy. I was so nervous for it because at this point, I still can’t lay on my stomach because of my spleen being so enlarged. When they do the biopsy, you’re suppose to lay on your stomach and a big needle goes into your back, right above your tail bone. Don’t worry, you don’t feel anything! But when I got on the table, I was able to actually move myself to my stomach and not have any issues! I was pretty thrilled about that. After all these procedures, of course it takes a few days to get the results back. So we were able to finally relax and enjoy Memorial Weekend with having some friends come up and visit from Utah. We had a blast!

Now in the middle of all this going on, I have had good days and bad days. The mornings and evenings are the worst. I wake up coughing like crazy and just sore, and same at night time. But for the most part, I have been able to get up and get out of the house a little bit more (not just going to appointments) and starting to feel like a person again. I am still pretty weak, and my feet have been swelling up like crazy, but it’s just what comes with the disease. As soon as I am feeling great to get out of the house, I can barely walk cause my legs are weak and feet are the size of watermelons haha but I just tough it out.

So on Tuesday the 26th, we have a follow up appointment for my biopsy results. Tyler and I were so nervous because going through chemo in the hospital was the last thing we wanted to do. Then good news just came barging through the door, and my Leukemia is NOT progressing faster, and the meds that I have been on for the past month are ACTUALLY WORKING!!! It’s actually a small dose of chemo and a couple other things, and they are bringing down my white blood cell counts to where they need to be, and actually bringing down my spleen some too! I am able to sleep in the bed again and not on the couch! So you could say it was a very good day for the Rice’s!

What happens now?

So I just continue to keep taking my meds, going in for my routine blood tests, and get blood transfusions to help keep me stable as needed. The other good news? Well not good news, AMAZING news? We received a call from the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance who is taking care of my donor search, and they have found 80 matches (10/10 things they look for) that match my criteria!!! They have already started calling down the list and see if those people still want to donate. Once they find someone, it still is a process for another 5-6 weeks until transplant can take place. I will then go down to the SCCA where I will be staying, and do testing for two weeks and then go through heavy chemo, then transplant will happen. So at this point, it’s just another waiting game. I am just going to continue to take it easy, take my meds, do my transfusions, and keep this positive energy flowing.

Thank you all for your continued support during this time! We love you all so much and appreciate all you have done for us.

I will post more updates once we know!